Good Times, Good Times

Fast Times at IVF High

What the hell?  Time is flying AND I just had my mother in law here.  It's like being in a murphy-less universe.

First things first before we get to the funnies - I'm 28ish weeks - I KNOW! I can't believe it, seems so crazy that this bloated, hulking, skulker is actually me.  I had an ultrasound today (that I had to request because certain crunchy "medical" professionals think that if everything measures fine on the outside, things must be fine on the inside.  Au contraire!  I had to gently remind my midwife that A. didn't have a ton of amniotic fluid and yadda ya - fine, here's your ultrasound.  Then she contradicted everything the doctor told me three weeks prior about delivery (timeline for c-section vs. vbac). THEN I found out that she doesn't even deliver at my hospital.  Um - so what the hell am I doing with you Matilda?  New midwife appointment tomorrow.  If this one doesn't do anything for me, I'm headed back to my previous OB office.

 

So yeah - my mother in law was here for a week.  Our absolutely lovely next door neighbor came to say hello last night and true to Irish form said "och, you haven't traveled all this way for one week - you'll have to stay longer next time".  Thanks Mrs. Kelly.  I love her to death, but SMACK.  And of course, as predicted, MIL does plan on coming back in September.  "To help" - this from the woman who can't lift her teacup from the dining room table.  Yeah.  To her credit, she does run A. ragged - she asked to sleep as soon as we left Granny at the airport.

 

We went to the lake over the weekend and if we had a working phone up there, I might have filed divorce proceedings.  Everything (everything) I said was contradicted or argued with and I received absolutely no support from G.  He now knows that that is not exactly a winning attitude to take.  In trying to convince him that his mother was actually doing this, I had to bring up the watermelon conversation.  This was the one where I told my Mother that I would get the watermelon out of her car since it was starting to get hot.  To which (you'll note that I was not speaking to MIL, I was speaking to MY Mother, yet MIL doesn't always realize the difference between someone speaking to someone in another room, on the phone or up the stairs and when you are speaking to her.  Unless of course, she doesn't feel like answering you and then she'll ignore you even if you're standing next to her.  Ahem.) MIL said - "Watermelons like the heat."  Oh, do they?  Is that the latest gallup poll data?  I managed to hold my tongue (this time), just gave her a blank stare and continued on my way.  When G tried to deny that there was any mischief afoot on his Mother's part, all I had to do was repeat the line - "Watermelons like the heat."  He got it.

 

Then there was the incident at the library when A wanted to take out the exact same video she has at home and MIL supported her toward this goal.  She asked me why A. couldn't take out the (exact same) video (that she has at home):

 

Me: Because she has it at home and we can leave this copy for someone else to take out
MIL: Well, how do we know someone else wants to take it out?
Me: Why should she take this out when she has the exact same thing at home?
MIL: Because she wants it.

Me:  Well, she can't always get what she wants. A. You are not taking that home (aren't I SO mean?).

 

Hilariously enough - there was another girl in the library who nearly dove over two chairs to rip the video from A's hands - screaming that she wanted this video, etc.  The mother was mortified, but explained that she had been waiting for the video for a couple of weeks now.  Oh - you mean someone else wants to see this video?  Hunh.  Interesting.

 

Of course there are a thousand more stories - half of which I've blocked, the other half, (fine 48%) I just can't remember because I'm a bumbling, exhausted, whale of a brainless shadow of my former self.  And I wasn't all that great to start with.  BUT, the boy is looking good (yes, continued from half finished sentence in first paragraph) - has enough amniotic fluid (almost too much - feast or famine with me and mine), heart and kidneys all in order - actually 'looking good' is overstating, he kind of looks like a grey smurf with no hat, but he kicks and squirms a lot*, so I'll take him.  28 weeks, 3 days and he's weighing in at 2 pounds 9 ounces.  And I didn't even get teary before the radiologist came in - what's up with that?

*he's a lot more active in utero than A. was - I'm not sure if I need to tell you that this scares the crap out of me.  More active?

Neverending Sleep Issues

A. has been having crazier than normal sleep issues lately.  G is at a different job (for four or five months), so he's been waking earlier. When we first got back from Ireland, A. was sleeping til 6.  Joy, right?  (Yes, trust me, joy).  She would ask where G was when she woke and was not -um - "happy" when I told her that he'd already gone to work.  So she started waking earlier.  And earlier.  And then she'd be so overtired she wasn't napping and having trouble going to sleep at night, so would wake earlier.  Unpleasant?  Oh, yes ma'am.

So G has slept downstairs for the past two nights in the vain hope that she's just that sensitive that she either hears or senses him moving (he's SO quiet) down the stairs in the morning.  Yesterday she slept til 5:30 and last night she came into my bed at 1, but slept til 6 (is that because she was in my bed or because she wasn't disturbed?).  So great news, right?  Yeah - except for G who is now relegated to the couch.  I suppose after 18 years of marriage, a few nights on the couch are well overdue.

The most hilarious issue of course, was that I woke at 3 for a bathroom break and was unable to go back to sleep*.  Fat.thigh.slappingly.funny.  If you have an 'around' three year old - how many hours do they sleep a day (nap/no nap/nighttime)?

*I'm a bit emotional/sensitive/blue about this world we're living in - the US and so many of its hateful, horrible residents specifically.    Guess I'm more sensitive right now to negative emotion.  Oh and when I told G that this morning, he said (jokingly) 'maybe you should up your medication'.  Yeah.  Lead balloon.  Regular comedian that insensitive asshole guy.  To his credit - he did apologize.

Touched Tales

I was speaking with my neighbor (secondary infertility) yesterday and told her about my "issues" - one of which is - "I think I'm not showing".  What I mean is - I thought I was able to hide it (at least somewhat).  Something else I excel at - being wrong.  I realized this when I was posting Easter pictures on the family blog and came across a picture of A and me.  A big fat, obviously pregnant me.  Eh - I was sitting on the couch - bad position, etc. - HA!  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror last night.  Huge.  Good thing I came to the realization that I'm going to have to fess up, eh?  {shakes head}.

I measured my waist this morning - more tee hees - 41 inches.  I can no longer eat my face off as I'm running out of room to put the food (and of course, G came home with 27 pounds of chocolate***), although I didn't have the mouth-vomit and indigestion nearly as powerfully last night.  This hasn't tempered my desire for the food, which is pretty unfortunate.  And, someone lowered the couch last week - it's certainly a lot more difficult to get out of .  I don't remember all this starting this early with A.  Pah - boys (kidding here folks, kidding!).

Yesterday I took A to the park* and she started playing with another little girl, so I started talking to lg's father.  He asked the standard question "Is she your only?" - to which, mater mental here said "uh, supposedly one on the way, um".  Then I had to go into what "supposedly" (I mean really - supposedly??) means (if you ever need a quick lesson in how to make another person feel very uncomfortable, give me a jingle - I'm a master.).   But hey - I did talk about it, right? 

*During which time, A ran over to a secluded area and pulled down her pants to pee** (no warning?  Thanks A.).  Lg's father said 'uh oh - what's she doing?  as he looked away, uncomfortably' - talk about embarrassing!  Looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in more ways than one.

**Apparently this is where she's peed in the past with a friend of hers while at the park with Daddy (friend's mother took her to this spot to let her girl go and no - they're not wild dog people, they're human and fairly civilized!) - I've never been around for this.
 
*** because Irish/English chocolate is "so much better".

20 weeks

Halfway home. Already, I know - can you believe it? 

G came home last night - the service went really well and it was all a mix of emotions.  I thought his leavetaking might be difficult, but turns out that mil is heading this way in a couple of weeks (I cannot begrudge, I cannot begrudge, I cannot begrudge!).  The one thing that death always reinforces is - live.  Live it up while you can.  This is my last chance at pregnancy, so I'm going to try to enjoy it while I can - as long as I can (although last night, the vomity/indigestion was hard to enjoy (I'm hoping that was just from holiday-inspired overindulging - dori.tos are TOO easter-y fare).  

To start my new mindset - I talked about the pregnancy without (most of) the tightness around my mouth and the hesitancy over what words to use (which is difficult since I'm functioning on absolute exhaustion mode).  My sister even commented on my - I won't say 'ease', well ok, I will say 'ease', because I don't have time to think of another word.

I'm determined to take off my fleece and expose my humungo boobs and 'no disguising it' belly today (while I'm out of the house!).  I may even attempt to mention something about the impending (hopefully) event, but c'mon, let's not get all crazy.  I'll just pray that there aren't any infertiles around (and please - I'm starting all this at A's little classes where the fertility water is passed around like a doobie at a dead show - no, I don't know why I always miss those freebies).

They're baby steps - but they're moving forward, right?

Turn, turn, turn

'To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 

A time to be born, and a time to die...'

And even when you know that death is coming, the finality of the words 'he's gone' are still quite a blow.  We got the call last night around 10:30 that my father in law finally lost his battle with that plague, cancer.  If you remember, he had been struggling for quite some time and we heard that he took a downward turn at the end of January/beginning of February, so we went to visit.  Since then, things have gone from bad to worse. These last couple of weeks he had started rambling and the recently developed mouth ulcers prevented him from speaking intelligibly when he was lucid.  Yesterday morning the nurse told my brothers-in-law that his circulation was shutting down and he would probably pass in the next few days.  When the phone rang we both knew what we were going to hear.  Just a note - it still sucks.

So instead of my 'ah ha! I may not be as fucked up as I think I am' post and thank you for your comments, we've had morose monday.  I've been doubting my decision to stay home since we made G's reservations last night and even though I know it's in my (and A's) best interest, once again - it still sucks.  I want to be there to help, to be there for G (he's going to be delivering part of the eulogy) and his Mom.  The thought of him traveling to his Dad's funeral, alone makes me incredibly sad.  Not to mention he was originally going to miss Red Sox opening day (insult to injury!), but the game was cancelled due to weather (which worked out really well, then I could drive him to the airport).  And of course, he has to go through all of this emotion and heartache AND be without his girl (A in case you had any doubts) for almost a week.  I know he's going to miss her terribly.

Then yesterday a very good friend's father was told that his cancer was winning his particular war as well, so she hopped in her car and headed home in the middle of the night.  She doesn't think he has too much longer to go.

Is this what getting older is all about?  Because, um - it sucks.