Good Times, Good Times

Jim Bob - I have a lot of hate in my heart

I mean really??  For fucking fuck's sakes?  Or what? 

Cor blimey (slaps forhead)!  I need to go and breathe the arkansas air - that's what it is right?  Arkansas air - the new bromelain!  Is she eating the fertile dirt - what is it??  18 kids?  EIGHTEEN??

Meanwhile I sit here perfecting my alcohol induced irish accent (see second paragraph - sometimes it's english - yes pru, you can call me on that).

See, here's the thing

It's either a nervous breakdown without the nerves (emotional breakdown?) or a mid-life crisis.  I suppose it could be a reawakening of the soul or perhaps I'm just fucked in the head (FIH).

Do you think infertility predisposes you to be being FIH (duh) or FIH predisposes you to infertility?

Major marital issues over here - we were even separated for about 5 minutes, but then I had a "date" (just a friend!), G freaked and wants now to get back together.  So that's where we are - how about you?

I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do, I just know that we all have to wind up happy, because this constantly pissed off/depression crap has been going on for years with infertility - I'm not going to put up with it for the rest of my life in the marriage department.  The a/ds are great for stability and staying out of jail purposes, but I'd love to get off them and get rid of the side effects (which aren't awful, but they're still there).  We've done the counseling thing and both agreed that that reached the end of its usefulness since I'd leave more depressed and cry on the way home.

I'm still working part time from home and I'm not sure how this is going to pan out. I'm a big communicator (you can get that from how much I've blogged and commented in the last month and a half) and this dude is used to working alone.  It's also so random - one week I could work for 20 minutes, then next five hours, the following have meetings, etc.  I have thought of getting a job outside of the house (gasp!), but I haven't been able to wrap my head around that thought (does that prove I'm certifiable?) 

So that's it - my life in flux.  I'd give my right arm to cycle again, I have wet dreams about retrieval (sicko alert!) and I still have "feelings" when I see your random pregnant whores woman, though thanks to the a/ds, I no longer start sobbing uncontrollably.  All in all, not too bad, eh?

Two years ago (child ment and pictures)

Well, I didn't think I was going to be posting and then this birthday thing crept up on me.  I honestly, do not know what I would do without my little hellfire, button-pushing, sly little adventurous, stubborn, (boy crazy!), smart and crazy, beautiful girl.

Two years ago you were yanked, still fighting, from me - happy Birthday bucket head!  In the words of Paul Weller, 'You're the best thing that ever happened, to me or my world"...

(other pictures deleted)

Her Very Own Shower

C'mon - nobody nobody likes showers, so how cool is it to just press a button, glass of wine in hand, instead of trying to figure out how many inches of string it takes to fit around Akeeyu's waist (with a ginger ale punch - yikes)?  Hosted by Boulder of course!

Random acts of blathery

Hi I'm T - you might remember me from such miscarriages as 'But we THOUGHT it was an ectopic!" and such ivf cycles as "We couldn't access the ovary with all the eggs, but it only takes one!" here to share  some things I've realized over the last few weeks:

 

1.  Don't take an ativan thinking you're going to nap if you have 12 trajillion things on your mind.  Your mind (if it's my mind anyway) will not let you stop thinking about all the other things you should be doing and then you'll get up all woozy and attempt to exercise.  STOP!  This could result in a doctors visit or at least a very sore ankle.  Pick up that book you've been dying to start - this is your time, right?

 

2. Don't ever offer to go to your in law's house.  Just. Don't.  I head out March 26, returning April 3.  Short visit. Not short enough. (anyone going to be in belfast at that time).

 

3.  If you don't heed #2, make sure to call your doctor and have them up your meds - I'm really hoping this helps me sail through that week on a white wave of medicated bliss, with a splash of red wine.

 

4.  If you're addicted to Gh.ost Hun.ters and To.p Ch.ef, for God's sake - invest in a dvr.  Vcrs are so neolithic.

 

5. Don't let anyone tell you you can't have your standard* evening red wine on w.eight w.atchers.  I've had my oh so small daily allowance and I'm down 20 pounds** - sure it's dinner, but...

 

*you don't really want to know.

**alas, same again to go still.